from us really?
Well that’s not fair to say because Paul has made goals in his life and met them. So this is more about me and my lack of. No I don’t want any pseudo-sympathetic comments like “oh, no Houry, you are very motivated, you just haven’t figured out what it is yet” or my favorite “you have potential, you just don’t have motivation” Yea, thanks for that! I would rather be stagnant and honest about my place in the world. I’m good with the status quo. It’s mine and I’m comfortable with it.
Okay so back to what I was talking about. We are temporarily, in the long-term kind of way, not looking to become home owners. I’m seriously surprised we went as long as we did with the whole “let’s become grown ups and become home owners” bit. Actually I know that he REALLY wants to make this happen for reasons he has, which I’m sure I will one day understand or not but most likely not- but they are valid ones to him.
In a major way I’m so relieved that we don’t have to deal with the massive responsibility of having something that WE are completely responsible for and I am so happy that we aren’t going to move from our house because I seriously consider this OUR home. At the same time, the landlady came by last week to do some upkeep stuff and after spending time gabbing and talking to her, I got a sick feeling in my stomach because I realized how much of my life’s security depends on her decisions about the house we live in. It’s such a confusing place to be.
I love being a renter. As long as rent is paid by the first of the month, if something goes wrong, I make a call to someone who gets the people to fix it and takes care of all the negotiations, costs, paperwork. My biggest responsibility is to make sure that I don’t make any serious damage that can’t be fixed before I CHOOSE to move so I can get my deposit back. At the same time, I wonder how much freeing it would be for me to know that if I wanted to break down walls between two rooms. No not really. We have this space and we don’t use it to its full potential. I think we would have to get a house that was already arranged to our wants/needs because neither one of us are apt to do anything major to any place we lived. Oh I don’t know. I’m just glad at this point we aren’t going anywhere.
That’s all. We are staying.