I am now a seriously bored housewife and not just by total alone.
I’ve called myself “bored housewife” just because it makes people stop in their tracks trying to figure out what I do since my son is in school full time. You can only be a ‘stay-at-home-mom’ with a real purpose if your child is in school 6 hours a day, 5 days a week. So anyway, that’s where I am now. I’ve been feeling this boredom for a while but this week it just hit me hard. My little world has become so routine that I can set my clock to it.
I wake up around 6-ish, make coffee and oatmeal for myself, prepare my son’s lunch (except on Tuesday because it’s Hot Lunch, which he doesn’t really eat), make a quick breakfast for him, wake him up and get dressed.
My general day: We get on the road for school at 8:05, drop him off and head for a hike or an appointment or two, sometimes work for a couple of hours which is something I’m questioning already. Then it’s time to pick him up from school.
We get home, he does homework, I prepare dinner based on a menu I’ve already planned on Saturday morning. We have dinner, he goes to bed.
If Tall Paul is home, we hang out in the living room, reading or talking. Then I go to bed. He sits in bed and caresses my hair until I fall asleep, which is nice. And there you have it. Oh and then there is the time I waste on Facebook but that’s just part of the routine.
If this is the norm for women who decided to stay home with their kids, then what the hell do you do when the child is no longer home? How do you not feel like you are merely existing, how do you pretend that you matter in the grand scheme of things?
Paul and I talked about me getting a real job, which brought up more questions like how do you go back into the work force at a time when everyone is looking for work and you haven’t worked in over 6 years? What if what you have on paper isn’t conducive of what is available in the area? How do you sell yourself to potential employers if you don’t feel worthy of those who are already working? Do you just take what you can or do you save yourself? Are you no longer employable and how do you know if you are?
I also think about what my son sees. I don’t want him to think that women/mothers are supposed to stay home and wait for them to come home to continue their care giving. I want him to know that women can have both the family and the professional careers that they work toward. I don’t believe in the 1950s version of the wife/mother who finds confidence and fulfillment in taking care of the family and the household.
I don’t know what to do. I just know that I need to do something soon because this can’t continue.