Monthly Archives: November 2011

My Perfect



This upcoming Thursday is our 9th anniversary. Each year, we do the same thing: We look at each other surprised that it’s been so long because it feels like we met last year.

I don’t believe that things happen for a reason. Things happen because things happen. I don’t think there is destiny.  We create the roads we take based on what’s available to us. It’s the essence of my being. I am here now, and when I’m gone, I will be gone. What happens in that time is not set. Saying that and wanting to stick it, I wonder why this amazing person entered my life flawlessly, joined me on my road without any loss or conflict for either of us, and filled a void I didn’t know I had makes me.

When Iain met him, he said it perfectly. Paul finally showed up to the party. And that’s what is was. He finally showed up and it was all supposed to happen when it happened because we were both in the place in our lives where we were supposed to finally meet our real life partners to travel on our road together until we are gone. I feel a seriously gushy love for him. He is MY PERFECT.

I was looking at stuff on the computer and found the following. I had written it three days after we met. I remember the feeling like it happened last night

November 20, 2002

You know that feeling you get in your gut when you walk into a “situation” where you have a brief but intense moment? It won’t be life altering or change your disposition in life but it will be one of those “things” that you will carry with you for a really long time.

A few days ago a couple of words were said that keep lingering in my mind. “…make assumptions”. If those words weren’t said, would what happened not happen? Would there be other words to create the situation for the act to happen? Would it have been as natural and flowing if the words weren’t said? What gave it away? What was it I did to allow those words to be said? Was it a courageous move to say those words or was it a done deal? Was it going to happen at some time and this time was it? . Make assumptions…

There are moments in life that play in slow motion for me. The sounds/noises disappear, everything around me become dark and the only thing that is in focus, clear, vivid and real, is the thing that is making this moment happen. It’s happened to me a few times. Moments that I can’t really explain to people because it’s about the moment and it’s a feeling. It happened when H* first touched my skin, when M* first touched my lips, when J* and I kissed after fighting. Moments that in the larger picture don’t mean anything to anyone but those are the ones I remember. 

“…make assumptions…”, then the leaning of the head slightly, waiting for a reaction…everything went quiet and nothing seemed real. Without any hesitation, I took the assumption and made it into a moment. 

It’s moments like that that make life so fun. I know there are more coming in my life. Because no matter what, another situation or moment is bound to happen as long as there are other people in my life. It’s these intense moments that I remember vividly, the ones that can’t be repeated-once in a life-that make it all so exciting. And they all happen within a moment you aren’t expecting. And it all happens because one of us “…makes assumptions…”

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Posted by on November 14, 2011 in Uncategorized