I tried and tried to lose the weight I had gained with the birth of my little guy for close to 4 years by eating less and moving more. It wasn’t working. I kept feeling defeated, didn’t like my body, didn’t like myself and just wanted to hide in big clothes. I would drop my son off at school and pass by the Weight Watchers center on the way to the gym. I would think about going in but I was ashamed of asking for and paying a large corporation to tell me how to eat and lose weight and at the same time, I knew that whatever I was doing wasn’t doing what I wanted. So one day I walked into the place and signed up. That was in 2009. Before walking in, I promises myself 2 things: I was going to do what they told me without trying to find loopholes or ways to cheat the systems, and I was going to stick to it until after I lost weight and learned to maintain my weight. I needed to do this.
The whole thing with WW is to eat a certain number of points per day determined by the company based on criteria specific to the individual. The members role is to consume foods they choose based on that number and to track what they eat. So basically I had to write down whatever I ate every day and all of a sudden, seeing what I consumed became important. I was to limit how much I ate but what I ate was all my doing. Seeing what you are eating and becoming aware of how your body is responding to the food became very important to me. When you are confronted with limiting yourself, you realize how important it is to give yourself the best that you can to nourish and satisfy you.
Here we are three years later and I’ve lost the weight and maintained it. Mind you I’m a bit obsessed with my weight but I can live with that since I can fit into a size 6 pair of jeans and that’s what I wanted. I walked into WW to be able to fit into a pair of skinny jeans if I chose and the consequence of it has become my love for eating healthy delicious food.
I spend time making a weekly menu. I base my menu on the box of vegetable that arrives to my house on Fridays from SLO Veg. By having a box of different vegetables come to me taught me to step out of my comfort food zone. I stay away from meat that are factory farmed. My eggs are fertile and free range. If I want more vegetables, I go to my local farmers market and pick/choose from what they offer. My sister and I were talking about this change in me and I told her that for the first time in my life, I’ve actually started to love food. Making the connection with food on my terms, I’ve become both very controlling of what I put in my body and learning to let myself to just have fun with it. I’m still learning how to balance my uses of food, how to enjoy it, not to obsess about it, and sometimes just let myself go and just be.
The more I learn about the food on my plate, the more I realize that what my sister has lived by for decades is becoming more and more true. The personal is political. Without intention, how I choose to feed myself and my family has become both a personal need for nutrition and a political stand. Here’s the kicker, at the same time I’m conflicted because I feel like an absolute snob and elitist when I do these things because I know that a large part of the world is suffering with hunger/starvation and there are places on this planet where clean drinking water is unavailable. I think about this while I walk around with my handmade bag massaging kale to determine which one will go well with my dinner. It’s gross and I am conflicted about it.
The point of this blog? Nothing, Everything. Food.