Category Archives: First house

What else would you expect

from us really?

Well that’s not fair to say because Paul has made goals in his life and met them. So this is more about me and my lack of.  No I don’t want any pseudo-sympathetic comments like “oh, no Houry, you are very motivated, you just haven’t figured out what it is yet” or my favorite “you have potential, you just don’t have motivation” Yea, thanks for that! I would rather be stagnant and  honest about my place in the world. I’m good with the status quo. It’s mine and I’m comfortable with it.

Okay so back to what I was talking about. We are temporarily, in the long-term kind of way, not looking to become home owners.  I’m seriously surprised we went as long as we did with the whole “let’s become grown ups and become home owners” bit. Actually I know that he REALLY wants to make this happen for reasons he has, which I’m sure I will one day understand or not but most likely not- but they are valid ones to him.

In a major way I’m so relieved that we don’t have to deal with the massive responsibility of having something that WE are completely responsible for and I am so happy that we aren’t going to move from our house because I seriously consider this OUR home. At the same time, the landlady came by last week to do some upkeep stuff and after spending time gabbing and talking to her, I got a sick feeling in my stomach because I realized how much of my life’s security depends on her decisions about the house we live in. It’s such a confusing place to be.

I love being a renter. As long as rent is paid by the first of the month, if something goes wrong, I make a call to someone who gets the people to fix it and takes care of all the negotiations, costs, paperwork. My biggest responsibility is to make sure that I don’t make any serious damage that can’t be fixed before I CHOOSE to move so I can get my deposit back. At the same time, I wonder how much freeing it would be for me to know that if I wanted to break down walls between two rooms. No not really. We have this space and we don’t use it to its full potential. I think we would have to get a house that was already arranged to our wants/needs because neither one of us are apt to do anything major to any place we lived. Oh I don’t know. I’m just glad at this point we aren’t going anywhere.

That’s all. We are staying.

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Posted by on September 25, 2010 in First house


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No strings

When we last met here, I was going on and on about this amazing house that would just be absolutely perfect and there would be parties every night and it would just all flow into place like it always does and blah blah blah….

Realizing that we were getting sucked into fantasies of things that can’t happen even if could happen,  we took a step back and have decided to just stop for a couple of years. This isn’t going to be a starter home. It has been based on the reality of who we are and what we can have in the long-term. Until then, I can exhale and know I’m home for now.


Every couple of months, I got through and purge what I have and just dump it. I generally put it out in the ally for other people to pick up rather than pass it on to people I know. By passing things on, I feel like I’m putting responsibility on someone else to hold on to items just because it was given to them. By leaving it out, there’s not connection or obligation. I can’t stand being bogged down with “Things”. It keeps us down and prevents us to just up and go if we want. I own nothing of any value. I can walk away without any regret that I’m leaving something that I’m supposed to hold onto for monetary or sentimental purposes. Yea, I get it. It sounds harsh and cold. I’ve heard it all from just about everyone who fills their lives up with things and wonders why they don’t have any space to breath. All I can say is, you can’t take it with you when you die, so why hold on to it now. But that’s just me.


I don’t know about Paul but I know that all the talk about home ownership is coming at me from other people telling us that we HAVE to because  of reasons that apparently are supposed to be important to me. They’re not. I don’t care if I never own a house. In fact, I like not owning because it means that if I want out, all I have to do is pack my panties and I’m gone. Like with everything else, if it can’t fit in my Barbie suitcase, I don’t need it. No strings.

I don’t have to worry about maintenance, upkeep, taxes, property values, resale values and all that shit that comes with owning. If something breaks or I have a problem with something not being the way I like it, I make a call to the managers and they take care of it. No fuss, no muss.

Also, I think that the world needs renters to make the owners feel like they are one up on people who don’t have. I’m good with my role in all of this. I give you money and you let me live in your house. When I’m done living at your place, I stop giving you money. If you are done with me living in your place, you tell me to pack up my shit and leave. I get it. I’m good with that. No strings.

So that being said, I’m happy to say that as of now, we are done going into other people’s homes and seeing if we want to take it from them. It feels good. I think tomorrow I’m going to go through the cupboards and get rid of some stuff that I don’t want anymore.

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Posted by on July 18, 2010 in First house



5 years ago, when we realized that we couldn’t live in Cambria with a baby on the way, we went on the search for a place to rent. We were focusing on the Grover Beach and Pismo Beach areas since the store is down there and it didn’t matter to me where we lived as long as we were out of Cambria. We looked and looked but nothing felt right. On a hunch, Paul walked into a property management company and they directed him to the house we are currently living in. They were still doing repairs and upgrades so it was not quite complete. He brought me out to look at it and…I FELL IN LOVE as soon as I walked into the front door. I had visualized a place like it for years and could see the layout of the place as we walked through. I remember when we got to the back room, which is now Paul’s sanctuary, I was almost to tears and heard myself say “I want it”. The owner was standing next to Paul and turned to me and knew she had no choice but to rent to us. I love this house.

Today we went on another round of looking at houses. Paul called the realtor and asked that we look at a couple of houses over our price range just to see what we the differences are. So we looked at one that was 1.2mil. What’s a million dollars give you today???? Apparently a lot of big chandlers throughout the inside of the house and tacky statues in the middle of the yard. Not impressed but that’s just me and what do I know.

BUT THEN, we went to the other house we can never have.

The description as it’s written: Grandeur Expressed By This Striking Yard And Decks!Totally remodeled with many custom features. Travertine and Granite throughout. Great for entertaining! Massive Trex and Redwood Decking, Anderson Windows And Doors, 2 Family Rooms, 2 Energy Eff. Fireplace Inserts, Master Bedrooms On Both Floors, Bonus Recreation Room, Putting Green, Horse Shoe Pit, Hidden walk-in Wine Cellar, Security System And More…

It is more space than ever possibly necessary or excusable for three people. It is more than anyone should have considering only a fraction of it is going to be used regularly. It is more than we could afford to spend and still be able to do what we like on a whim. It is more than I can feel comfortable wanting to want. BUT I WANT IT! I WANT IT! I WANT IT! I walked in and knew as I entered to a wall of windows overlooking the hillside across the way. I knew I wanted it when I looked to the left and the right of the house and there were windows in living rooms on BOTH sides. I saw parties (we found the hidden wine cellar), dinners, gathering and celebrations. I saw small paul growing up, inviting friends, wanting privacy, having sleep overs, being angry at our bourgeois life, sneaking in his girlfriend or sneaking out for the night, becoming an adult. I saw my sisters coming up and laughing at the silly that is my life and staying for a long time, afternoon get together. I was Paul and me sitting on the deck just giggling about how our life has been a surreal game of playing house, waiting for the parents to come home and break up our fun with the rules of engagement that we forgot to follow. I saw all of that.

I know it’s not going to happen, which I can honestly say makes me sad BUT I know that we will find a place that give me that feeling on a different scale. In some ways, I’m glad I had this moment & day because it made me realize that I’m not stuck to one place, that I know there is room for change in me and I still have the ability to see beyond what I know is safe and comfortable. Just knowing that makes things seem less foreboding and more fun.

**On a sidenote-I am keeping an eye on the listing to make sure that if they decide to seriously humiliate themselves and drop the price to a outrageously low price, I’m on it! I wonder if you can use a credit card to buy a house….hummm

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Posted by on June 28, 2010 in First house


Phase 1.2 Location, location, location!

Last night, Paul and I were watching the local news and a story about a drug ring in Grover Beach comes on. A family of skinheads with tats on their necks, all tweaked out and damaged are splattered on the screen as the “alleged” suspects.  I wait for the next story, knowing that it’s typical Central Coast news. It doesn’t end there. The reporter states that it’s on the 1300 block of Newport Av. I calculate the number/address and look at Paul who knows exactly what I’m thinking. That’s a couple of blocks from where we saw the house we both think we want to live in.

FUCK THAT NOISE! I’m not living in a neighborhood that has the stench of burning cleaning fluids and Meth because the neighbors use their bathtubs to cook up business and not bathe! Yes, I’m being a snob. Then Paul says it’s everywhere and refers to my place in San Francisco. No it’s not like living in the Lower Height with the crack den down the block. I knew it was there, there was no secret, AND  it wasn’t in the burbs. AUURRGH!


Posted by on June 3, 2010 in First house


Step 1-the “just looking phase”

Today was the first day of our ‘just looking’ phase of house hunting and of the seven we saw, I really liked two of them. In fact, I was myself living in  one of them BUT that’s not the point of our ‘just looking’ phase. I was nervous on the way there and kept reminding myself that this move isn’t a major one into another city far away and even if it isn’t in SLO, the county is small enough so that I don’t have to alter my life that much. It went well over all. We are doing it again on Thursday.

That being said, while we were in this amazing house with stone floors in the living area and granite counters, textured walls and shiny new appliances in the kitchen and bedrooms with vaulted ceilings, I had a moment of memory of the year after Candy and I graduated high school (1986) and Glendale (CA) was in the process of putting in mansions on the pristine hills that were open spaces. The houses were a shocking $250,000. People were disgusted and drawn to them. Years later when development was just out of control, these houses were the “small” ones on the hill.

Being out of school and not wanting to go to college or work, we were bored and had way too much time on our hands. So we would go house hunting with Realtors who would show us these houses with the pretenses that we were buying. I mean really? Did we seriously think we looked like we were shopping for a house? I think we did! And did these women really think we would buy a home? I think they did!

I remembered that while sitting on the floor of the master bedroom of the house we were in today. It made me see how much fun this can be and even though it’s a major large step that could potentially paralyze me, knowing that I used to do this in pretend just to see what the inside of houses looked like at 18 years old, I know I can do it now for real at 41.

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Posted by on May 26, 2010 in First house


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